This week, I decided to touch on the topic of life choices. I watched a special last night about a 600 lb. woman who said that no matter what she eats, she keeps gaining weight and that nothing was her fault. It was difficult to look at her without judging the situation she was in…surely; no one ate for her, right? Surely, she would know if she had a thyroid problem 350 lbs ago? The causes the doctors suggested were severe depression, emotional eating and an addiction to food-no diseases, etc. that led her to gain this extreme weight. Her six daughters were fed up with their lives being consumed by their mother’s constant need for bathing, bathroom breaks, etc. as she had been immobile for years. This situation made me think about the choices I’ve made in the past that have landed me in my current state and more importantly (and what I’m focusing this post on) the decisions I made that got away from me in a blink of an eye like this woman’s extreme obesity. No one wakes up thinking that “Hey, in 3 years I’m not going to be able to get out of bed because I will be so overweight that my legs won’t be able to carry me” and certainly this woman let her weight escape from her by ignoring her appearance, her body, and even her children. There are decisions I made years ago that I didn’t realize would have effects long after. It’s these decisions that ‘got away from me’ and soon enough, I had no one to blame but myself for the missteps.
Looking back to where it all began, it’s easy for me to pinpoint the start of the health decline. I ate horribly in high school and college. In high school, it was portion crazy. Fortunately for me, I was round-the-year in sports programs, so the crazy big portions were worked off. Even in the summer months, I was playing softball for Germany (no joke, I played for the German women’s league representing the country-pretty cool!) and doing two-a-days with the team. Basically, I ate whatever I wanted and it was EXTREMELY carb-heavy. My parents even dubbed me the “pasta queen” because of my deep affection for all things noodle. It was easy for me, because weighing in at 121 lbs, barely eating lunch, pounding dinner, and frequently having a ramen noodle for breakfast, there were no consequences with sports & a high metabolism on my fitness level on my weight.
However, going to college presented a catastrophe. They don’t call it the freshman 15 for nothing, and accounting for a lack of mucho income to buy healthy food, fried goodies and cheap thrills at the grocery store proved my hunger salvation. Some decent flirting landed me quite a few out-to-eat dates and more decisions to eat unhealthy cemented into my routine that lasted 5 years. Couple this wave of even more unhealthy eating and a lack of round the year sports, freshman 15 turned into sophomore 30. I know I depict myself as being a heffer monster, which I wasn’t at the time. Most college students have been in the same situation, and I personally believe more so for students that were forever used to team sports. See, I was never required to workout by myself (and running laps was punishment), so how in the world and why in the world would I want to go at it solo in college? To be honest, I enjoyed putting on the pounds because I was free to choose whatever I wanted. I also was told by a physician in high school that my chest would forever be small because I had stunted my growth due to the constant sports. In college, I went from a barely A to a feminine C cup. It felt wonderful to actually have a chest! I know that sounds odd, but to me, always having a large bum and a non-equal chest made me feel disproportionate and I felt like I attracted a specific group of men: the ‘butt’ guys.
So let’s add up the factors:
(eating oversized portions in high school) + (eating crap food in college) = unhealthy eating routine post college and excusing myself for being accountable to me and my body.
It wasn’t until my pre-husband went on deployment that I wanted to get back to the gym (Jan 2008). I had so much stress, worry & anxiety that I felt helpless and out of control. I weighed myself and felt like a dump truck. At that time, I was the exact weight I am currently at today. I started hitting the gym and did so for 5 months and dropped 40 lbs. The key was that I was working out, eating right portions and healthier food and had nothing but time to get fit in preparation for his return. I also hadn’t consumed any alcohol. I was successful in this endeavor and felt great. However, upon his return, we went back to the routine I had before and with all the homecoming celebrations and ‘you are home let’s stare into each other’s eyes and order Chinese’ I quickly fell back into the pit I was previously in (excusing myself and all).
And this is where it all slipped from me.
I had been on such a good kick, but for the wrong reasons. I wasn’t becoming health conscious for myself or for the sake of being healthy and fit (even though I was eating right). I rather wanted to look ‘smokin’ for my returning hero. Never mind the fit and health benefits staying permanent (even though I would have loved to stay there). What this ended up turning into was the longest yo-yo ever. I shoot myself in the foot every time I think about how much I had lost and didn’t maintain, especially since I am 7 months into a workout routine and fitness lifestyle and have JUST NOW reached what was my starting point prior to that ‘get fit’ phase. *SSSSIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHH*
To summarize, my 600 lb. story is that my roots did not teach me how to eat healthy and control/balance my portions. I had a high metabolism and worked out all the time-so it didn’t matter, right? WRONG. Again, college was the same. Then, when I did get the kick, I let years slip away by stopping the routine and allowing myself to be excused from paying attention to my body and its changes. I failed to listen to my body scream for exercise and like I said in 2011, I avoided mirrors like the plague because it was evidence of my years of excuses.
Following up on the show, her life decisions could have taken her life and were weeks from it; however, she took life into her hands, made the choice to live and did what needed to be done to get fit and healthy. It was a remarkable tale of bouncing back…but at what cost and what damage to others??
You’ve undoubtedly slipped before or are in the process of slipping…the question is---will it take 600 lbs to snap out of it? How far will you go before you do something and choose to live!?
Reflecting on those 2 questions can help you come to the same epiphany I did last June when I began this journey. I choose a healthy life because I do want to be an example to others (my friends, husband, family, future children) and I want to be around long enough to enjoy all the things life has to offer…I’ll be damned if I let being over-weight be a factor in my life. No sir, not me. No more. Does that mean I will let my weight control my life (winning or losing weight)? No. But what it does mean is that I have chosen to be balanced, fit, comfortable in my skin, and present. I will not see weight as a crutch for anything and everything and I will eliminate the factors and routines I had in the past that were gateways to letting my weight (and essentially my confidence), slip away.
You don’t have to be 600 lbs to decide to get in control of your life. You can evaluate where you are now, where you could be, and where you want to be. Now, go get it.
Onto my weigh in:
Weight: 172
Body Fat %: 38%
BMI: 28.3
Weeks til goal: 37
I lost almost 4 lbs this week and I.AM.PROUD. I feel like I’m back on the saddle. Mentally, I never left, but physically, it wasn’t all there and it took my body almost a month to catch up to my workouts. Losing weight on the scale feels so much more rewarding than seeing nothing move, except up.
To sum it up…no matter your upbringing with eating habits, you CAN change your routine. You control what your future holds…just don’t wait til it is too late.
Love with all my bum,
CH
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