Today's post is dedicated to the significant other whether it be your roommate, your best friend, your boyfriend, fiance, husband, or cat.
I often paint you a very rosy depiction of my love, Neal, and his supportive role in my life. Without a doubt he has always been a verbal supporter, a protector, etc. But what about a follower? Mind you, I made the decision to get healthy for myself even though I make myself accountable to my spouse (always hated that word), my friends, followers and family. But what about living in a household where you are the only one trying to get fit?
| Decisions, decisions |
A few months ago, I wrote about how your social group can greatly impact your ability to reach your goal and that sometimes, you may have to alter your friendships here and there. When you are living with someone, it's not so easy to alter the norms in the household and can prove (what I believe) to be the most difficult challenge of getting fit.
You may have the whole "x-factor" thing worked out, you've gotten the will power and mental motivation to embark on a healthy lifestyle...now what? For me, I took that month of May in 2011 to not only think of how to prepare myself and set goals, but also to prepare my husband. I strongly encourage you to do this with those you live with before you make the change. Here's a few how to's:
1. Tell your special person your intention and goals (both long term and short term)
2. Tell them WHY you intend to make a change and HOW you are going to do it
3. Let them know that you need their support (even if they aren't participating)
4. Let them know that there will be some changes to that person's lifestyle to a degree as well (i.e. if you go out to eat all the time as a couple and this is not something you think is a good idea for you, you need to be upfront about it)
Our discussion was pretty basic to what I numbered above. My biggest thing was asking Neal to not bring in temptations into the house, especially when I was first starting out, because I lacked some control in this area. I mean, it's hard to turn down a steamy and gooey slice of pizza when you have a dull salad in front of you, right?! So I asked him to avoid snacking in front of me and to be mindful to not bring it into the house right where I can get my little paws onto in the evening. He freely agreed and it was nice to be able to share my weekly progress with him.
I set on this journey so I could feel great about myself and look great inside and out. But that also came with the hope that my husband would also see how hard I am working, see how great my body is transforming, and that he would jump on board along with me. I wanted to lead by example with Neal. I wanted to show how much I was accomplishing so that he could do the same, especially because achieving your goals can be so rewarding! But remember my post from last week, the "x-factor" for me won't necessarily be the same for him.
We often forget how much we need to lead people and follow people. It's human nature but for whatever reason, I was failing at leading Neal. As the cook in the family, I thought I had this all planned out: I would start cooking healthy meals and hubs would eat it and after detoxing over a few weeks, he'd begin to have the same cravings for healthy food as I have. Wrong. I would make a salad and he'd eat that and then later scrounge around and eat some frozen catastrophe of a meal, go to McDonald's later, or complain that he wasn't full for the remainder of the evening. At 6'7 it's no wonder he was always hungry with my smaller portioned meals but at the same time, I knew his stomach had been stretched to the max with our bad eating habits. It was a long rough patch with no clear end in sight. We'd talk about the toxicity of fast food and chain restaurants at home, only to have him eat it when I wasn't around. I'd make my lunch everyday, would buy stuff for him to make his own or even opt to make his, only to later discover that he would go to Taco Bell in addition to eating his homemade lunch.
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| This is how I felt about Neal. Kick him so he'll get up and get active with me! |
To add to my failure with his fitness, he would NEVER and I mean NEVER work out with me. Here I was going to the gym at least 5 days a week and he wouldn't participate once. Sure, he is in the military and that connotes a set of workout routines but that wasn't the case. PT is a thing for the fleet and he is not with the fleet so their mandatory workouts are not followed. I wanted him to train with me for that Warrior Dash back in October 2011 and he refused to train (I then refused to pay to sign him up)! He said he didn't need to train for a 5K with obstacles, which is likely true, but at the time, I wanted a teammate, not someone who didn't train and could still do laps around me. I'd even asked him to put together some boot camp style workouts for me a few times here and there. The huffing, puffing and grumbling of having him get off that darned couch made it more of an exercise of mental strength than of actually getting him to sweat along with me. And working out with a 'coach' who doesn't have vested interest is a waste of both parties time.
I had figured out how to get him to eat healthier, but we all know eating clean is only half the goal to a healthy lifestyle. How can you motivate someone to go to the gym with you without making them feel like lazy, fatty pants or making them insecure about themselves? Talk about difficult, especially when I knew the impact my mother had on me with even the slightest of a comment (even if the intentions are good). Every once in awhile, we would see fit people and I would point them out and say "I want that to be us someday." I'd comment about how I want his heart healthy so we can live a long life together but that seemed to have no impact on him. I even started pointing out guys with incredibly sexy, muscular arms. For me, seeing pictures of gorgeously fit women gives me motivation to kick it up a notch, so I thought the same would be true of him. None of which had the desired effect on him.
About a week or two after the cauliflower pizza, we went to his favorite restaurant, On the Border, with another couple we know from his work. The two of them are pretty fit and active people and our entire conversation that evening easily fell into workout routines, upcoming races, etc. His friend, Rod, has bulked up in the last few months and it's beginning to show and so I kept prodding him about how he got to look this good and he was impressed with the mileage I was doing and wanted all of us to sign up for a run together later this summer. I think it was pretty obvious that Neal had nothing to contribute to the conversation and eventually, he began to reminisce with the group about how fit he was when he was deployed in Iraq and released some of his insecurities about how he looks now. And there, right in front of me, I saw his "x-factor" click. Somehow the conversation reminded him of how great he looked and felt before and how much he has lost since then (strength and bulk-wise). I'm sure hearing all of us so entranced with the topic for hours also helped.
The next thing I know, Neal is telling me he's going to the gym with me. I finally led him to water and he took a drink! We both found a cardio activity he likes, bike riding, so we purchased a pair and now we go out a few times a week on them. And on my weight-lifting days, he shows up too! It's almost been a year of me going at it solo and he is just now climbing on board. I think the combination of my cooking right and him being around gym goers did it for him. Like I said, the people you chill with truly do make an impact on your perceptions and in this case, it was for the better. The next thing I know, we are seeing a lot more of this couple (whom I adore) and we are all excited to do active activities together-not just going out to eat and seeing movies, etc. They are not sedentary couple and, thanks to Neal finally finding his X-factor, neither are we!
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| Today, that's how I feel |
Moral of the story: don't EVER give up on helping the people you care about and love find their "x-factor". It's partially why I write this blog every week. I believe being healthy is no longer an option with all the risks and consequences of not being healthy. I have the desire to give encouragement to people who are thinking of making the change, have just started, or have been doing it all along. So don't be surprised if I come knocking, texting, calling or emailing you guys about what you've been up to and whether it is active or not because the heart of the matter is that I want us all to feel our best, be proud of ourselves and our accomplishments, and I want to keep the people I care about in my life as long as possible!
Love w/ all my bum,
CH
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