Bully Your Body?!

My post today initially related to the desensitization of obesity we are faced with in our culture and the need for an honest confrontation with oneself to start making positive changes in ones life. The American population often idolizes, 'celebritizes,' or 'model-fies' thin people yet when you take a step outside (other than NYC and LA) all we seem to see is partially overweight people, definitely overweight people, and obese people. I remember being a kid seeing a huge person here and there. It stuck out to me as unusual so much so that I would get in trouble by my parents for staring at them in awe. Now, 15 years later, it is a rare occasion that I go out in public and DON'T see someone over 300lbs. For me, this paints the landscape of today and my recommendation for all of us is to confront ourselves and have a real conversation with ourselves about our fitness and health.

Remember in Jim Carrey's film Liar, Liar his son says "My teacher said beauty is on the inside" and he replies, "That's just something ugly people say to make themselves feel better"? I feel today the common quotes are to "love the skin your in" and "love your curves" which both resonate with Jim Carrey's line but instead that it's something fat people say to make themselves feel better. Does that mean I don't think someone whose genetics gives them a bigger build shouldn't love themselves, no. Do I think anyone should not love themselves, no. I do believe curves on a fit body and having legit self-confidence (not to be confused with cockiness or masked insecurity) are two of the 'sexiest' things out there. I also recognize that a bigger build does not give a reason for not being fit, either. What I DO mean is that everyone should love themselves enough to actually take care of themselves, particularly concerning their health and fitness. I mean, this is a fitness blog, right? :)

We all know that emotional confidence can often be a positive side effect of physical activities when those amazing endorphin's lift our spirits. I believe fitness and health (emotional & physical) go hand in hand. So, as a sidebar, I want to relay that I am not talking about people who have self-loathing and/or depression conditions. This is generalized for the average bear, not someone with serious image or psychological issues, so when I speak of what 'we' should do, I am referring to the mass majority of people. Haha get it? MASS majority? Ahh, so good.

Ok, so I've set up the background to what I want to talk about today. In a facebook post I recently put on my personal page about all I've described above, my mind was spinning about something relative to the conversation and not the primary point I was trying to make. After doing some research and thinking, I wanted to highlight and dissect the following quote from Astrid Alauda, a psychologist whom specializes in Buddhist quotes. I believe her quote embodies exactly the message I am trying to convey because it's not just sweeping obesity under the rug, it's what we can do about it within ourselves to not be desensitized to it.

"Don’t let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the weight of its worries." -Astrid Alauda

Let's think about this. We all have that voice in the back of our head. Sometimes it's a Doubting Thomas, sometimes it's a guy in the corner of the boxing ring cheering you on. My guess is that most of us listen just a smidge more to Thomas. Thomas can be the voice of self doubt when it comes to your abilities, why you aren't getting the job you want, why you hate your thighs, etc. Corner Box Guy is telling you that you can do it, keep at it, don't quit, support yourself, dream big, achieve your goals. Call them good cop, bad cop if you will or the Angel and Devil on your shoulder, but we often forget there is a third member in our head. That voice is logical, determined, and is the lynch pin to achieving Corner Box's positive messages or falling down the helpless and excuse ridden landmines from Thomas.  Let's name him the Changer. Ever debate with these two side of things when you have a want? Let's go for an example from my personal experience.

Self: "I want to lose weight"
Doubting Thomas: "Well, it's been a couple years and it's really tough to get back into it. I love food and socializing and I'm worried that cutting out that portion of my life will leave me friendless."
Corner Box Guy: "I can do it."
Thomas: "But will you?"
CBG: "If I just put in a little work and it will take me far."
Thomas: "But it's SOOO much work to get that far. I'm not sure if you are really ready for a lifestyle change. I mean, look at yourself. It's hard for you to climb a flight of stairs and you adore Top Ramen WAY too much to simply cut it out cold turkey."

Now, most of us battle this out and sometimes Corner Box Guy wins and you start dieting perhaps and maybe try a couple classes at the gym. But you don't have a set plan and it often turns into a yo-yo diet wherein the first week you drop a lot of weight and when the weight loss isn't consistently dropping each week, Thomas rears his ugly head and you decide to give up because you worked too hard without enough payout. Other times, you don't even get started because you tell yourself that you'll adjust to the new you, that your friends/family will and should love you no matter what size you are, you have to learn to love yourself regardless of your fitness, and that although you hate the idea, there are bigger sizes in cute clothes and you can be a master of hiding your bad spots w/ clothing and good spots with great makeup, awesome hair, and a great personality. Am I right?!

Now, every once in awhile, the Changer voice of reason comes in. In fact, the Changer is always there, but you have either put the mute button on for awhile, or it's so soft toned that you pick up on traces of truth throughout the day but haven't melded them into one big decision. You make a couple small changes here and there (ex: your 'shoulding' actually works this time and you don't take a piece of cake at the party). That voice is the reasonable SHOULD we say out loud to others or tell ourselves and then ignore. Or we listen one time, tell everyone how proud we are for ourselves and then either go back to bad decisions or allowing yourself a 'treat' later for good behavior like you are some breed of dog. Now, imagine a world where you actually LISTEN to those SHOULDS habitually? That's when the Changer in your mind gets turned up full volume and you have a realistic, logical, reasonable, and honest fact-telling session with yourself. .

"Don’t let your mind bully your body into believing it must carry the weight of its worries." -Astrid Alauda


When I look at Alauda's quote, it resonates so much with me truthfully that I can often see how people can misconstrue it's purpose. Allowing the right voice to "should" you (i.e. bully you) is in fact a good thing-but the choice is yours as to what voice you tune into most. Don't we learn about tough love growing up-particularly from our mothers? Mothers are an authoritative and loving figure in our lives that guides us to what is right and wrong and is blatantly honest with us out of love...often times when others aren't. The Changer voice is your personal tough love monitor, your honest friend, your competitive drive, and essentially the spirit you can choose to ignore or ignite within yourself. With it turned on full volume, you have even more potential to do all those things super positive Corner Box Guy says you can--except this time, you are taking action in the RIGHT direction.

What bullying oneself actually looks after the Changer's volume is turned up and you've had the honest discussion about yourself

Whether you realize it or not, listening to either side is an action and a choice. If you are worried that you are fat, listening to Thomas, avoiding mirrors at all costs and excusing yourself all the time is a decision/action you are taking. Listening to CBG but not listening to the Changer puts you in a place of faux confidence with nothing to back it up. CBG allows you to see the positive in everything, but when the reality of the situation hits you every time you have to take several gasps of air in conversation via shortness of breath because fat is clogging your arteries, that positivity means stink now, doesn't it? Listening primarily to either of these sides without the Changer voice is essentially allowing your worries, doubts, or over confidence to literally translate into carrying physical weight on your body. This is not fair to you or your loved ones (and tax payers down the road). The more you don't listen to the Changer, the more weight you will carry mentally/emotionally and you can count your life on it that you will carry it physically.

So, now I have explained all the voices and choices we face and you want to seriously make a change in your life. Here's how I did it and you can do it to.

1. I got real with myself
2. I turned the volume on Changer to high, while muting Thomas as much as I could, and turning CBG on low
3. I faced the facts 
4. I made goals
5. I made a plan
6. I follow that plan-take it for a test drive
7. I assess the plan to make sure it's working (making changes if necessary)
8. I get results
9. My CBG and my self confidence are married in true self love and happiness and my Changer voice continues to push me to the next phase of personal growth, fitness, and health-and so we go back to step one and repeat with a different set of goals

Getting real and facing the facts are truly the most difficult thing to do. It's harder than working out, going on long runs, you name it. After not being honest with yourself for years, it's hard to confront yourself and have that interpersonal conversation you have been avoiding for such a long time. I liken it to breaking up with your past, your fat, whatever it is you want to get rid of and/or change in your life. We bully ourselves all the time because we are our worst critics; however, when listening to the right voice, that bullying allows us to have the right conversation that is honest and turns us into our biggest supporters and motivators.

I had to get the Jim Carrey curse and not be able to lie to myself for at least once and then I was determined to do something about facing the facts. For me, facing the facts meant looking in the mirror at my naked self and for once allowing myself to not ignore it, not mask it and not fake my feelings. I allowed myself to feel ashamed and get mad at myself for the destruction I have done and come to grips that I was looking at the NOW me and that I wasn't the me I want to feel inside and out. I bought the scale, I did the research of where a woman my height, age, etc. is supposed to be and I stepped on. Facts faced: the numbers didn't lie and instead of shrugging it off, I dealt with them. I pinched and poked and prodded my body. I highlighted areas with my eyes that I made myself overlook or pretended not to feel uncomfortable when my husband had more to grab there than he did 5 years prior. Part of me wanted to cry but a fire of disgust was what really put me in an honest perspective. As I tuned into the Changer voice, I heard things like:

• This is you now. 
• You do not want this.
• You can no longer accept this. 
• You do not want to feel this.
• You did this to yourself.
• You have no one else to blame.
• You do not love the skin you are in.
• You pretend to love your curves.
• You hide your legs with jeans and your stomach with bigger clothing.
• You have a low self image confidence that you shadow by highlighting confidence in other things that .you are good at-thus ignoring the problem.
• You worry too much what others think, yet do nothing to stop that.
• You NEED to stand up for yourself. 
• You matter.
• You NEED to love yourself enough to take CARE of yourself.
• You MUST love other people more by taking care of yourself-don't be their burden or a cause for their worry.
• It cannot wait any longer.
• You have to get back.
• You have to get stronger.
• You cannot accept no for an answer.
• You.HAVE.to.do.this.

Tough pill to swallow, but man was that tough love true. And actually, coming face to face with the problems I was avoiding and neglecting was liberating. Facing the facts planted the motivation for me to make a change and gave me my X factor. The whole point of bullying is to get a reaction and in this case the reaction is motivation and determination to change, stand up for myself and answer the bullying with my action towards the right path to fitness and health. And this is the type of healthy bullying I am talking about-to push you around a little bit and jostle up some reaction. The next step was all on me. I now had to make goals.

A lot of the Changer voicing the facts gave me many of the things I wanted to work on, to reverse, and to change. The key to this step is to actually write them down. For me, I knew writing was a huge part because it put the ink in mental stone. I made a list of goals that were both short and long term. You can see them in my first post from way back when. 

Ok, so you know you want to be more fit and lose weight and you've written down your goals. But how do you make a plan? For me, writing goals down wasn't enough, so I started this blog where I was accountable to not only myself, but also to everyone reading them. Even more scary and liberating was to not only take, but post, before pictures of myself. It was so difficult and I bullied myself into doing them-vulnerable and all but man, it later became another thing that I faced the music about that was worth its weight in gold. And now I have a forever reference of how far I've come and how much I intend to never return to that state of mind or body.

Another part of the plan was looking up fitness programs. I didn't want to just join a gym or buy fancy equipment; I knew I couldn't allow rewarding myself with expensive in-home gym equipment as a newbie to the whole thing and I knew if it was a convenience, I wouldn't actually make a permanent change. It's like buying a motorcycle because one day you want to be a rider but have taken no classes and no action to become one...it just doesn't make sense to make the investment until you've invested the time elsewhere and proven the commitment. I found a strength training class that meets twice weekly (setting up a routine schedule is a great way to remain accountable) and I started regularly going to classes like Zumba and Tae Bo. For anyone starting out, easing into a routine will make the transition much better. Try a few things out and you'll discover right away which workouts give you the jollies  and what doesn't float your boat. The goal at that point is just to get active and try things on for size.

As stated in many past posts, I do not believe in dieting. I think it's way too easy to yo-yo and it won't have lasting effects. So, part of your plan needs to be what you intend to do with your eating habits. This for many is a struggle and portion control takes a bit to work on. Give it two weeks of eating correct portions and I promise your stomach will stop feeling like a wretching pit. Try to eat as clean as possible and that will make sure your body is getting the right nutrients throughout the day and don't be fooled by 100 calorie packs...if you shouldn't be eating it in the first place, 100 calorie packs are still empty calories and cheating. If you HAVE to find a fix for salty or sweet cravings, any Google search will show you alternatives to those foods you crave and some even offer reasons of why you crave what you do and how to counteract it (i.e. crave sweet things when you are dehydrated because the flavors will make you salivate, giving a false sense of liquids in the mouth). Here's a great article on cravings.

Try all of these 3 elements of your plan out for a solid month. See how you feel, if your energy levels have spiked, identify problem areas, etc. and then adjust to set you up for success. Maybe Friday nights are tough-that's fine, one day to be carefree helps and you might find that over time you end up making better decisions on that day after feeling how much work it takes to drop and keep off a pound. Either way, you are guaranteed to get results. It's virtually impossible not to feel better and more encouraged when you start to feel less achy and you realize you can push a little harder this week vs. last week. Relish in that pride and use it as a means to continually commit to your goals.

The best part about doing this and sticking with the plan is that your actions are finally speaking on your behalf Have a bad week and didn't lose anything? Did that mile that wasn't supposed to be tough kick your bum? I promise that people are much more understanding and incredibly more supportive of your situation when they know you are actually doing something about it instead of griping all the time or silently not saying anything (like that big elephant in the room).

When your Changer voice is turned up, you will find yourself often in the midst of a food temptation when BOOM! in comes the voice of reason reminding you all the reasons you started in the first place. Let it bully you, listen to it, react towards the positive and you can't go wrong. Same thing goes in the gym: perhaps the instructor isn't looking your way or maybe you know you could do an extra 5 lbs on those weights but you just aren't up for it...when the Changer voice comes in to badger you, it's probably exactly right. I mean, you are there anyways. Don't just show up. Be present for the lifestyle change and give 100% effort or else you are wasting your time and that nagging voice of Thomas will come back to haunt you instead of encourage you like Corner Box Guy.

Obviously, I am going to suggest your try it for yourself. If you do manage to have this honest conversation with yourself, please comment on your experience. Did you turn up the volume on the Changer? Was there still a battle with Thomas? How about your true self-confidence level? How has changing your lifestyle helped you and would you do anything different? Do you allow the Changer to tell you when you are not applying yourself to the fullest potential (i.e. bully you)?

Your mind has the power to affect so much of your life. The choice is yours to make it worthwhile, positive and happy. You do not have to carry the mental and physical weight of those worries, stress, and all things Thomas loves. You don't have to believe in your self doubt; only YOU can give it power by feeding into those negative thoughts, those many excuses, or that false sense of confidence of make believe 'loving yourself' when you are overweight and can still do something about it. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Support yourself. And you damned well better bully yourself to kick some a*$ every chance you get. After you reach those goals-start right back at it. I don't call that voice the Changer for nothing: it's meant to keep changing your life towards your fullest potential, beyond your initial goals, and to keep you on the path to personal growth and overall health.


In order to achieve something you never had, you must do something you never had. So bully on, my health-seeking vagabonds, bully that body into fitness submission. And then do it again :)

Love w/ all my bum,
CH

P.S. My Changer is cranked up high...yours SHOULD be too!

Actions Speak Louder than Words

What a month this has been! What a week this has been! What a day this has been!

I said last month "I'm back" and I sure have been.. I thought I'd let my weight and workouts do the talking for me though. I didn't want to justify or excuse myself each week if I didn't go out there and try something really intense and then report back. So my report is in...a month of some crucial workouts have put me in this wonderful spot today.

Since the half, I had gained almost 15 lbs from a lack of cardio and clean eating. It's amazing how easy and how quick you can let hard work slip away. I liken it to the public school teacher saying 'it's more difficult to maintain an A than it is to get to one." Well said, Teacher, well said.


In an effort to get right back on track, I set out to crush the gym with weight lifting and embark down the path of bike riding for cardio in addition to a couple runs here and there. What I realized about running is that I have a pattern of doing a big race and then burning out. I want to stop this habit by integrating different cardio routines in the mix so that after a race, I still have other cardio goals to reach for that prohibit me from halting the program. Adding the cycling to the mix, I was able to get my husband on board with cardio as well as earn a partner to make the tough miles go by quicker. In the past month, we have pedaled more than 100 miles together and it feels great. This is my "What a month" moment.

Me and my fitness bucket list after the 20 miler!

Back in March, I recommended that everyone reading this or wanting to get fit should make a fitness bucket list with goals both short and long term. Remember?! As I have been on this journey, there have been quite a few mini-milestones met along the way (first was being able to run a mile w/o stopping, months later it became to run a half, fit into size 8 pants, etc.). Well, this past weekend, I accomplished a goal on the list: to bike 20 miles again. I say again because a long time ago, while I was living in Germany, I got stranded in the night with no taxis available and it was far too late to call my parents to have them get me. So I borrowed a bike from a friend and rode through the night and managed to get home at dawn. I later calculated that I rode 20 cold, lonely and scary miles to get home. I wanted to do it again but not out of necessity and definitely under better circumstances. My husband set out the course and we ended up riding all through the Marine Corps base, Quantico, for 20 hilly miles. If anyone knows Virginia topography, then you know it's impossible to have a flat course for any given distance over 3 miles. There were a few doozies along the way, but we didn't stop and I accomplished my goal!

On the back of the piece of paper/goal, I wrote a reward. 20 miles on a bike equated to a massage and what luck I had as my best friend (from high school-ironic, right?!) came into town that afternoon and gave me a massage (she is a masseuse)! So achieving this goal is where the "What a week" comes into play.

Onto my "What a day" moment: I have been weighing myself off and on this month. After seeing those numbers from my last recorded weigh in, I was feeling pretty stupid for letting myself gain weight so noncommittally that I knew I needed to push it out and get back to where I should've been and back on the right path. You know the funny thing? I KNEW I was going down the rabbit hole and I still didn't stop myself...how horrible is that? I guess we all have times where we just have an 'eh, forget it' but it NEVER, EVER feels like the right thing to do and is ALWAYS laced with regret (Thanksgiving dinner, holiday parties, Xmas meals...regretful feelings of overeating ring a bell, anyone?). My success this month was in my weigh-in today. I'm going to show you my last published weigh in on my blog and then my weigh in
today.

May 24:

Weight: 164.4 (down 43.4 total)

Percent of Body Fat: 36% (down 8.3 %)

BMI: 27 (-7.2 pts)

Water Weight: 46.7% (up 6.7%)

Weeks to Meet Goal: 29

TODAY:

Weight: 169.2

Percent Body Fat: 37.3%

BMI: 27.8

Water Weight: 45.7%

What I see is a great mini-success. I am just a few pounds shy of where I was a couple months ago, my body fat percentage is off my points and I, in general, feel fantastic. "What a day" this morning was when 7.6 lbs were shed from my body in response to my hard work for the month. I was thrilled and motivated to, as Dory would say, 'just keep swimming.'

Looking to next week, I hope to post more positive news with negative numbers. I also intend to sign up for a couple races before Christmas and I look forward to continuing on this positive path!

Love w/ all my bum,
CH