19 coming clean! Secrets of Indulgences...

19 weeks!

Hi Everybody! Welcome to the wonderous world of healthy! Week 19 was pretty good overall. I can tell I’ve been in a funk lately about my weight and fitness-although I am making accomplishments and am proud of my work, I guess I am just ready for this weight to be off already! I’ve recently started watching Biggest Loser and it’s frustrating to see these people losing 40 lbs in 4 weeks while I am at 4 months and barely near 30. I guess that’s what being on a ranch with trainers all day will do to you. Not realistic. So I guess I am better off with my consistency than a cram session with the potential for yo-yo’ing back to obesity. 

This week, I had the pipe in my master bathroom burst and flood a portion of the house. Stressful, right? You know what I wanted to do? Eat away the emotion. You know what I didn’t do? EAT. It’s so easy to be faced with a challenge and simply ‘give-in’ to old habits. Although I missed working out that day, I prevented a disaster by not resorting to temptations of greasy food. 

Speaking of old habits. I thought I would share some things with you. A few days prior to the pipe burst, I tried McDonalds and let me tell you-even though I was never a frequenter to Micky D’s, after 4 months of not eating that processed crap, having it in my stomach made me sick. I could taste the chemicals, feel the grime in my throat, and almost literally felt the fries inch their way into my waistline. I will not be experimental like that in the future. It truly is amazing how much one can get addicted to these high cal, high fat, high sugars and salt food and not even realize that the craving and want for more of it is actually an addiction. I’ve been there. And this trip to McDonald’s got my mind buzzing about my past eating habits. So I’m going to share 5 of my secret indulgences.

1. I could substitute a meal and eat 1-2 top ramens at any one sitting. I would melt cheddar cheese on it as well and eat it that way. Secret: on many cold occasions, a packet would be breakfast. Ewww.
2. I could eat a bag a chips and then go right to something sweet, like sour candy, and then want something salty. I felt like I had to balance one thing with the other and ended up finishing off 4 things before stopping. 
3. If I wanted to start a diet or watch what I ate, I would first start by eating everything bad in the house to “get it out of my system” and to not “waste it by throwing it out.” This binge has happened on more than one occasion because I had to “remove” all the temptations out of the kitchen only to go grocery shopping and buy snacks for my husband that he wouldn’t get around to eating that would eventually pile up and need to be eaten by someone else (i.e. me).
4. Fast food. I wasn’t a huge fast food eater but you can bet your butt I secretly had a few trips there and disposed of the evidence in my car before entering the house
5. The lunchroom at work snacks. I’ve shown you one month of snacks to give you a sense of what enters that lunchroom every week. That month is no different than any other month at my office. Can you imagine doubling all that around the holidays? Now, imagine that before, I would grab at least one item that was brought into that kitchen each time something was brought in. Seems harmless at first, but add up the cupcakes, donuts, etc. and that’s close to 265 additional calories a week-almost 10,600 calories in a year and 3 wasted pounds for snacking just in the office alone!

I don’t believe that I was really overboard in what I did and reading this doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. However, these are the snacks and things I can't think of or have lost in my recollection. Imagine all the items I ate randomly on the couch in front of the TV I’m not thinking of. And the ‘snacks’ I ate that equated to one of my meal sizes now. I was overboard with how much I ate when I sat down. My husband is 1 foot and 2 inches taller than me and at one point I was eating as much (and sometimes more) than him in a sitting. AND he doesn’t eat all three meals of the day! Geesh! The biggest thing for me to cut down was how often we ate out, what I ordered when we did eat out, and how large my portions were for any sitting. 

And what about our fat habits? Sure, there are eating habits but what about the way in which we “deal” with the weight?  I’m going to share 10 embarrassing ways I ‘hid’ my weight from myself and others:

1. Avoid ALL mirrors
2. Never, ever, ever look at myself naked or look down whilst naked
3. Thank the stars that long shirts are in style. Basically, ALL of my pants could not be buttoned (some couldn’t be zipped either). I would either leave the button undone and wear a thick, longer shirt –or- I would wear a long sweater and roll the unzipped, unbuttoned portion of the pants inward and against my skin so they wouldn’t fold out and be noticed. 
4. Wear husband’s bigger pjs and clothes around the house so he thinks I’m being cute in his clothes as opposed to a fatty-pants who can’t fit into her own pjs/clothes any more.
5. Lights off sex anyone? How about avoiding contact from significant other because you fear they might squeeze a roll and point it out or focus on it?
6. I’ve taken blue and white eyeshadow and put it on my inner thighs to make it look like a distressed pant and conceal the rip of a pant that I busted the seam of. Yep. Totally happened
7. Been so focused on not looking at myself when dressing to discover later that I put my underwear on inside out and backwards…thank goodness it wasn’t a thong!
8. Stopped wearing heels altogether because the shoe felt like it was going to snap in half as the heel portion would bend outwards under the pressure of my weight
9. Secret candy stash in drawer @ the office.
10. Holding my breath while going up stairs so no one can hear my puffing along the route

WOW! I can't believe that was shared-but I hope you got a laugh (in my case a tear) out of my secrets!

Moving along, let’s focus on the positives from this week!

1. I ran a mile in 8  .  35 minutes. I literally have not done that…EVER!
2. I had 3 people comment on my weight loss this week :) 
3. I have actually been able to get my bum into a pair of medium running shorts my best friend got me two years ago that have NEVER fit-----that is until TODAY!
4. I have lost 31  .  2 lbs! Hellllllllllz yea!

Week 19 breakdown

Weight: 176.6

Fat %: 38.4%

Water weight: 44.9%

BMI: 29

Weeks til goal: 42

Initial Comparison

Weight Day One: -31.2 lbs

Percent of Body Fat: -5.9%

BMI: -5.2 points

Water Weight: +4.3%

Weeks to Meet Goal: -31 weeks (12 weeks ahead of schedule)

I feel pretty good about this weigh-in. As you know from last week, I had gained two pounds and this week I shed 5 off to make up for it. It's a mini roller coaster ride! And how great it is that losing in this case is a good thing! Yep, I'm a loser :) 20 lbs from now I will be in a normal weight range for my body (max 152 lbs in my healthy weight range). Obviously, I am going for middle of the range, but seeing that I'm close to this goal by a couple of months pumps me up!

Here's to the next 30! And talk to you next week!

Love w/ all my bum,
CH

4 months-wow.

4 months have and gone and here I am still posting to this blog weekly and then some!

I don't want to quite reflect back on everything in this journey, but I can't help but think of how far along I have come. Obviously, my weight is not where I want it to be but 4 months ago I was over 200 lbs and now I am not. I think that in and of itself is a great thing.  A reader recently told me that I always shed a positive light on this blog and maybe it seems like I am not being 'real' enough. I guess that is part of me trying to make my heart bigger than my bum. I am generally a realist that is often perceived as being negative; I am working on seeing the sunshine and rainbows a little more frequently. And in reality, all this hard work and sweat and jiggling about makes me feel like I need one outlet where I can be positive about every little thing I accomplish-which is here in this blog. But this post will be more 'real' in the sense that rainbows won't overshadow my thoughts and feelings. 

I give myself a hard time and guilt myself when I have more wine than I should or eat something I know is bad, but let's face it. This sh*t is hard. No one is perfect and sometimes it really does feel like eating a bowl of ice cream is worth being fat for. There's a reason why people characterize heavy people as jolly and jovial...maybe it's because they are living how they see fit and not counting calories or worrying about the next mini-goal they are trying to reach. We often say these people need a reality check because their risk of disease and fatality from obesity is increasing exponentially. Frankly, it's easier to be lazy, easier to sit on the couch, easier to grab extra handfuls of treats. No one said this journey was going to be easy and if it was easy-more people would do it. I guess I am just now realizing how tough it truly is. Sometimes, it doesn't seem worth it when you work your bum off for fractions of a pound on the scale each week.

They don't say Jolly ol' Saint Nick for no reason!

Last month, I talked about how great it was for people to notice my change in weight. What I didn't realize is that from that point on, those people would become monitors of my progress. Bring out the microscope people, because now I am frequently asked how it's going and it tends to feel more like an interview and awkward than to be proud of what I've accomplished. I sometimes feel like saying "yep, I am still fat, but am not as obese as you remember-so please get that old vision of me out of your head-thanks!" When you work at a place like I do, any change is noticed and spoken about in cigarette breaks and cubical whispers-most often not in a positive nature. That added pressure sometimes seems unbearable. Talk to the people who aren't working out and your presence makes THEM feel bad/fat. Talk to the super fit crew and they put you in your place via their glowing accomplishments via triathlons, marathons and their already near perfect physiques and size 2 designer slacks. 

With that b*itching and complaining out, this week was a different kind of pay off. I went hiking in Cotoctin Mountain, Maryland, ran 4 miles without stopping, accomplished running 1 mile in 9.10 minutes (reminder: I started out near a 15 minute mile), and set a new goal of that Hot Chocolate 15K. 

I overall feel pretty good about that and even though I did not lose weight this week, (thank you Aunt Flo) I actually looked at myself naked today and did not feel ashamed. Remember a couple weeks ago I took pictures of myself again in that blue bikini? I could tell a few differences here and there but overall still felt dumpy. This morning as I got ready to weigh myself, I turned and faced my mirror and liked what I saw. I could bend at the waist and not see rolls to the left and right of my "underboob" and obliques, my back fat is slithering away and my stomach is getting tighter. My weight this week does not do my body justice. My body is taking form in the shape it should be. It's more about how you see yourself and how others see you than the number on the scale. And today, I feel like I've lost over 30 lbs. We all hit plateaus here and there and I don't think I necessarily hit one, but I do know that something is changing overall with my physique. I am hopeful that over the next few weeks that weight loss will catch up to my changing body...and then some :) 

On to this week's results:

Week 18

Weight: 180.2

Body fat: 38.4%

BMI: 29.6

Water weight: 44.9%

Weeks: 45

Week 1 Stats

Weight Day One: 207.8

Percent of Body Fat: 44.3%

BMI: 34.2

Water Weight: 40.6%

Caloric Intake Should Be: 2127 cal/day

Weeks to Meet Goal: 7

Although I am not as uppity as I generally am on Thursdays, I will be going out later to start the mission of finding a Marine Corps Ball dress w/ a gal pal. All of us in not-so-fit situations know that this can be a daunting experience; however, I will strive to make this celebratory as last year I refused to go because I knew I would not fit in the dress size I was accustomed to. Today, I am in that size so that will brighten my spirits and make me feel regal or sexy or whatever the dress I find conveys. So I'm off to get done up and look good-it's the best advice I can give for dress shopping. Look like a million bucks and you'll feel like a million bucks and the size of the dress won't matter-how great it looks on you does!

I look forward to sunnier days next week and rainbow posts for week 19!

Love with all my bum,

CH

Wake me up when September ends...week 17

This past week, we closed the chapter of September and it feels like I was in a coma that whole month because I woke up and it was already gone. Sa la vie September!

This week has been full of some awesome points:

1. mini-goal conquered: Warrior Dash
2. Ran a 9 . 22 minute mile
3. Cut 5 minutes from my 5K run in 3 weeks

Now that I have become a warrior, I needed to set a new ambitious goal for myself. Today, I registered for the Hot Chocolate 15K in D.C. and boy am I already nervous about that one!

I was distracted by the cute logo and the idea of chocolate before really letting it settle in that this is just over a 9 mile run. Mind you, I have been running a couple 5K distances a week, but 9 miles-wow. That will be the longest I've ever run for, get this, fun. Or ever for that matter. AND to boot, all runners have to be below a 15 minute pace in order to complete the race. I am not too worried about this, but who knows. It's another pressure point. Either way, I WILL finish it and I WILL get to enjoy hot cocoa and chocolate fondue stations afterwards. It defeats the purpose of burning 1,000 calories but what woman could resist?!

In addition to this news, I have 3 blog followers and one of their boyfriends also participating in the run so it looks like we'll have a mini-team the day of and I will have a network of friends to run with and support me in achieving this goal. I was out with two of my friends last night doing a run and let me tell you, they pushed me pretty hard (I was whimpering like a dog and panting like one too). But I am thankful for it. These two will be my core running mates and hopefully the other 2 will join for weekend runs here and there. And that, my friends, makes me excited.

Ok, so onto the weigh-in for the week:

Week 17:

Weight: 178.6

Percent of Body Fat: 39.2%

BMI: 29.3

Water Weight: 44.2%

Weeks to Meet Goal: 44 

From initial weigh-in:

Weight Day One: -29.2 lbs

Percent of Body Fat: -5.1%

BMI: -4.9 pts

Water Weight: +3.6%

Weeks to Meet Goal: -29 weeks (12 weeks ahead of schedule)

Ok y'all. I am THHHHHHHIIIIIIIISSSS close to 30 lbs! WOW. Pretty cool. And how about the fact that I want to share the progress and text everyone I know? Haha. I won't go shouting to the mountains yet, but when I hit that mini-milestone, a facebook post will be in order. I might have to sneak a weigh-in over the weekend to see if I did it as I'm not sure if I can wait until next Thursday to find out.

Overall, September was great to me and next week I'll be discussing making it 4 months into this lifestyle. Man, how time flies when you're getting fit.


Love w/ all my bum,
CH

Am I a Warrior?

Saturday, October 1st: I wake up extremely early because, let's face it, I had butterflies from the second we left the house on Friday to get our hotel near the Warrior Dash (located in one of the oldest cities in the USA and the home of the 1st families of Virginia). I put my running attire and war paint on and we headed to Berkeley Plantation, the sight of Virginia's 2011 Warrior Dash. Being somewhat of a history junkie, I feel compelled to share with you the importance of this location from it's historical standpoint. Among the many American "firsts" that occurred at Berkeley Plantation are:

• The first official Thanksgiving: 4 December 1619
• The first bourbon whiskey distilled: 1621, by George Thorpe, an Episcopal priest.[4]
• First time Army bugle call "Taps" played: July 1862, by bugler Oliver W. Norton; the melody was written at Harrison's Landing on the plantation by then General, Daniel Butterfield.
• The first Warrior Dash of C.H., 1 October 2011

Pretty amazing, right? And who woulda thunk it? As we crossed over the James river and into the plantation grounds, you get the feeling that so much has happened here and we are merely walking amongst the ghosts of the past to forage new grounds and memories for the future. I may have been attempting to become a warrior that day, but real soldiers fought and earned that title in the bloodshed that happened here in 1622. Also the birthplace to a "Declaration of Independence" signor, home to President Harrison, and frequented by Lincoln during the Civil War, I felt that greatness was achieved at this place. So all of this set the stage as I got my registration packet and secured my timing chip to my shoe laces and was fresh on my mind.

Just before the race

As in most battles, there has to be a cry to conquer and this was the same for my own personal goal. As the MC for the event called out "FINISH STRONG" all Warrior competitors retorted "BRING IT ON!" The fire blazed and we began our journey. 

As I ran, all I could think of was that I was finally doing this. I set out months ago to accomplish this and here I was, actually doing it. I was already proud of myself the second I started. I knew the timing wouldn't matter or the pace I was setting. All I knew was that no matter what, I was going to do every obstacle and I was not going to stop for one second, or even consider walking part of it. I may have been the tortoise, but I delighted in seeing some people who had whizzed past me in the beginning burn out half way through as I stomped past them later in the dash. And these are the obstacles I conquered in the order they faced me:

1. Barricade Breakdown: hurdle over chest high wood and under barbed wire

2. Rubber Ricochet: Run through floating tires that can knock you on your feet if you don’t maneuver fast enough (fortunately, my ninja skills enabled me to pass this part scotch free)

3. Road Rage: Imagine jumping through tires football training style and then climbing atop broke down vehicles in this maze

4. Chaotic Crossover: A tangled web of ropes of which are 10 feet off the ground that you crawl parallel to the earth over. 

5. Deadweight Drifter: Chest deep in a small river that flows to the James River whilst attempting to hurdle over gigantic logs. It was a team effort here and I lost my shorts a few times (secretly wishing I had a smiley face tattoo on it to make the view worthwhile)!

6. Teetering Traverse:  Like a high beam, you had only the width of your foot to keep stable as you walk up, across and then down a teeter-tottering wooden device. 

7. Deadman’s Drop: Exactly as it sounds and definitely the most difficult obstacle on the course. You had to climb up a larger than life ladder, get yourself over an inverted plank, and then drop 5 feet, catch yourself on a piece of wood and then slide the rest of the 15 feet down. I was a bit scared with this one and sliding down that plywood gave me bruises you wouldn’t believe!

8. Great Warrior Wall: To test the warrior strength, this second hardest obstacle was a barricade of wood with inches to climb up and rope only at the top to help pull you up and over. WOOF!

9. Rio Run: Running as fast as you can through muddy, waist deep water = difficult and time consuming, but manageable 

10. Cargo Climb: depicted here

11. Warrior Roast: through the flames I went

12. Muddy Mayhem:  Barbed wire and mud. I felt like I was low-crawling in a Full Metal Jacket remake!

13.   The Finish Line:

Finish Strong? Bring it on!

As I passed the finish line, a wave of relief, adrenaline and emotion came over me. Here I was this past summer, an obese and gross feeling person. 3+ months later, I ran 3 . 56 miles and 12 obstacles that I know many would have trouble with. Do you ever feel good knowing you can do something and others can't? In a weird way, I relished the thought that day. Anyone can get the gumption to stop complaining, "should'ing" and self loathing, get off their keister and start changing their life, but for me, this run personified me actually making that change and doing something about it.  

Feeling great (and teary-eyed) about the mini-goal accomplishment

The adrenaline made me want to jump back in line and do it all over again. But good times were calling me with the support of my husband and blog follower/great friend, Anna & her husband *photo credits given to her for the event*

The day had started out a with light rain, chills and nervousness, but it ended with sun rays and blue skies and heat. I believe that's exactly how the day went for me. 

And for those who care about my finish time:

In my age group, I finished in the top 50%, almost in the top 30%. Overall, I finished at #960 out of 3,020 people (definite top 30 percentile overall). I think this is fantastic. I have been running 3.2 miles around the 42-45 min range and gave myself an hourish to add on the obstacles. I am happy to report that I added a quarter of a mile to my standard run and added in 12 obstacles and completed the course in 55:01 minutes. That is totally kick ass!

So, am I a warrior? You're DAMNED RIGHT I AM!

Love w/ all my bum,

CH