Week 50-Bikes, Blenders, Booty

Gooooooooooooooooooood morning class!

My, my, my, are we in for a great week or what? Every chance I get, I take a trip on my bike. It's such a wonderful addition to the workout routine, only it makes me more nostalgic about my childhood and camping days and less about my thighs burning! I don't care how old you are, there is something glorious and exhilarating about booming down a hill so fast that tears stream parallel to your wide grinned lips! If you don't have a bike, this is an incredibly good buy, especially when you begin replacing errands in your car with riding. Think about how far you drive to the grocery store to pick up a few things...if you live anywhere remotely suburban or urban, chances are there is a store within 5 miles of your home. Bring a backpack with you and grab what you need and tote it back! It really is that simple. Veggies and fruits are a cinch to drop in a backpack, try it out!

Here's a picture of my new bike! It's a Nishiki from Dick's Sporting Goods

If you are just getting into a workout routine, a bike ride is an excellent way to build up your muscle strength and endurance, in addition to you walking and attempting to run longer distances. I only wish I hadn't waited almost a year to get one. Sometimes, I lack the drive to go for a 4 mile run, but will now gladly do 8 miles on a bike.

Another product I recently got that I now claim as the most glorious appliance ever made, is a Hamilton Beach "Stay or Go" blender. I am a big homemade smoothie maker, especially when you cannot trust the vast majority of smoothies made at restaurants as they either have a TON of sugar, use crap milk, are stacked with calories, and claim to use real fruit when in actuality it's a flavored syrup. Add enough roughage to a smoothie and you will quickly learn that you keep having to push the leaves down toward the base of the blender and continually need to keep adding liquid. Say no more if you've been in this situation (never mind about ice not getting crunched down enough). The solution for ALLLLLL your problems is this blender I just purchased.


The 'stay or go' element is what has me most riveted. I generally make my smoothies for breakfast and then chug it along my morning commute. So I blend first then have that awkward 'please don't be so thick that you decide to come all out of the blender at once and get all over the kitchen counter' business. There is RARELY a time I don't have some sort of spill clean-up after I make a shake. But this blender comes with a smoothie cup that's bottom can attach to the base of the blender and you can blend right in the cup you intend to hit the road with! It's a time saver, a clean-up saver, and basically the coolest thing out there to buy. The blades are designed to pull the contents of the glass down to the bottom, the ice turns magically into little slivers, and I have yet to have any chunks of leaves un-blended. The ease of it has made me get more and more into packing a juice with me when I leave every morning. And priced around $30.00 (Target), you really cannot go wrong.

This week, I have been watching my foot and taking it easy when I can to ensure it's healthy for the 1/2 marathon next Saturday (June 2nd). I'm still getting in cardio and following the training, but subbing out parts of the running with the bike. As the days get closer and I see the training ease up, I realize that I am a mere 9 days away from the big day. Wow......look how far I've come. I am anxious and nervous, of course, and I'll probably talk all about it next week in anticipation for the run, but I must admit that I look forward to jumping back into some fun classes, like zumba, when I am finished training. Although you cannot quite beat the cardio benefits of running, I know I'll need to take a break (if only for my foot's sake) from it for a few weeks to allow my body to heal and distracting my mind with pumping music and being surrounded by a bunch of people sounds like the perfect medicine.

Onto the weigh in for the week:

This Week:

Weight: 164.4 (down 43.4 total)

Percent of Body Fat: 36% (down 8.3 %)

BMI: 27 (-7.2 pts)

Water Weight: 46.7% (up 6.7%)

Weeks to Meet Goal: 29

I've lost another two pounds this week and I feel like perhaps my plateau is finally giving me a break (even if a small one). I don't know why, but I have been stuck around that 40 lb area for MONTHS now. And with all this 1/2 marathon training, I was certain I would've dropped at least 10 pounds as a result...yet here I am-stuck. Dang, it can be so darned frustrating.....'just keep swimming, just keep swimming' is all I can tell myself to keep the end target in focus. Perhaps getting into a "I run at least 3 miles every day" routine will help me shed this highly unwanted weight. I am now just 1.4 lbs shy of weighing the average weight of women in America. Sadly, this number has increased 11 lbs (10%) over the past decade and so I do not count myself as 'average' until I get to the old valuation of 152. It does go to show how much our food industry, portion sizing, and eating habits have grown over the past decade, though. 

Looking to next week, I'll be winding down the training and giving you a break down of what I expect for the run. I'll likely post following the run to let you all know how it went, my thoughts on it, etc. 

Love w/ all my bum,

CH

Is Your Significant Other on Board w/ Your Goals?

Last week I talked about some personal stuff. It was difficult and somewhat tearful to get through, especially the kind words and stories followers, like you, told me about your own stories. It's amazing how we can all be so different, yet so woven together at the same time. Thanks for sharing!

Today's post is dedicated to the significant other whether it be your roommate, your best friend, your boyfriend, fiance, husband, or cat.

I often paint you a very rosy depiction of my love, Neal, and his supportive role in my life. Without a doubt he has always been a verbal supporter, a protector, etc. But what about a follower? Mind you, I made the decision to get healthy for myself even though I make myself accountable to my spouse (always hated that word), my friends, followers and family. But what about living in a household where you are the only one trying to get fit?

Decisions, decisions

A few months ago, I wrote about how your social group can greatly impact your ability to reach your goal and that sometimes, you may have to alter your friendships here and there. When you are living with someone, it's not so easy to alter the norms in the household and can prove (what I believe) to be the most difficult challenge of getting fit.

You may have the whole "x-factor" thing worked out, you've gotten the will power and mental motivation to embark on a healthy lifestyle...now what? For me, I took that month of May in 2011 to not only think of how to prepare myself and set goals, but also to prepare my husband. I strongly encourage you to do this with those you live with before you make the change. Here's a few how to's:

1. Tell your special person your intention and goals (both long term and short term)
2. Tell them WHY you intend to make a change and HOW you are going to do it
3. Let them know that you need their support (even if they aren't participating)
4. Let them know that there will be some changes to that person's lifestyle to a degree as well (i.e. if you go out to eat all the time as a couple and this is not something you think is a good idea for you, you need to be upfront about it)

Our discussion was pretty basic to what I numbered above. My biggest thing was asking Neal to not bring in temptations into the house, especially when I was first starting out, because I lacked some control in this area. I mean, it's hard to turn down a steamy and gooey slice of pizza when you have a dull salad in front of you, right?! So I asked him to avoid snacking in front of me and to be mindful to not bring it into the house right where I can get my little paws onto in the evening. He freely agreed and it was nice to be able to share my weekly progress with him.

I set on this journey so I could feel great about myself and look great inside and out. But that also came with the hope that my husband would also see how hard I am working, see how great my body is transforming, and that he would jump on board along with me. I wanted to lead by example with Neal. I wanted to show how much I was accomplishing so that he could do the same, especially because achieving your goals can be so rewarding! But remember my post from last week, the "x-factor" for me won't necessarily be the same for him.

We often forget how much we need to lead people and follow people. It's human nature but for whatever reason, I was failing at leading Neal. As the cook in the family, I thought I had this all planned out: I would start cooking healthy meals and hubs would eat it and after detoxing over a few weeks, he'd begin to have the same cravings for healthy food as I have. Wrong. I would make a salad and he'd eat that and then later scrounge around and eat some frozen catastrophe of a meal, go to McDonald's later, or complain that he wasn't full for the remainder of the evening. At 6'7 it's no wonder he was always hungry with my smaller portioned meals but at the same time, I knew his stomach had been stretched to the max with our bad eating habits. It was a long rough patch with no clear end in sight. We'd talk about the toxicity of fast food and chain restaurants at home, only to have him eat it when I wasn't around. I'd make my lunch everyday, would buy stuff for him to make his own or even opt to make his, only to later discover that he would go to Taco Bell in addition to eating his homemade lunch.

This is how I felt about Neal. Kick him so he'll get up and get active with me!

To add to my failure with his fitness, he would NEVER and I mean NEVER work out with me. Here I was going to the gym at least 5 days a week and he wouldn't participate once. Sure, he is in the military and that connotes a set of workout routines but that wasn't the case. PT is a thing for the fleet and he is not with the fleet so their mandatory workouts are not followed. I wanted him to train with me for that Warrior Dash back in October 2011 and he refused to train (I then refused to pay to sign him up)! He said he didn't need to train for a 5K with obstacles, which is likely true, but at the time, I wanted a teammate, not someone who didn't train and could still do laps around me. I'd even asked him to put together some boot camp style workouts for me a few times here and there. The huffing, puffing and grumbling of having him get off that darned couch made it more of an exercise of mental strength than of actually getting him to sweat along with me. And working out with a 'coach' who doesn't have vested interest is a waste of both parties time.

After 10 months of this back and forth with no results, I gave up on him and resigned to the fact, yet again, that the journey started out as me and it appeared it was going to be that way for a looooooooooong time. As spring started dusting off the winter chill, I discovered Pinterest and all its glorious recipes. This was also during the 40 days when Neal and I agreed to not eat out-I told him the motivation for doing so was financial, but in the back of my mind, I had another plan (hee, hee). We both had to make some changes at this point because the easy/lazy way out of ordering from a restaurant was no longer available to us. I began incorporating more veggies into his meal and less carbs/starches and then one day, I made a cauliflower crust pizza and he somehow got the bug in him. I was scared to tell him what it was when I put it on his plate as I thought he might grumble, pick at it and then starve for the evening. On the contrary, he ate all the leftovers and asked me when I was going to cook it again. Stunned, I reiterated that it was cauliflower, not regular pizza, and he still wanted it. Victory! Since then, I have been trying more and more healthy, seemingly abnormal, but delicious meals all of which I now receive no huffs and puffs over. And the positive reinforcement of him enjoying the meals makes me try harder to make delicious ones. Being the cook of the house finally enabled me to make the executive decision of what went into his body. He began eating breakfast (something he only did on weekends in the 5 years I've known him), opting for Subway at lunch, and encouraging a heavy hand with veggies and protein and a lighter hand with pastas, rices, and other carb sides (in fact, many of our meals are absent of these carbs altogether now). Often, our snacks consist of fruits, nuts, and veggies in lieu of chips, dips, and sweets. The 40 day plan worked after all and we have since limited our going out adventures and actually prefer home cooked meals. Let me tell you that the added responsibility of HAVING to cook every meal is well worth the effort, even if that means I don't officially stop working for the day until 7:00 every night.

I had figured out how to get him to eat healthier, but we all know eating clean is only half the goal to a healthy lifestyle. How can you motivate someone to go to the gym with you without making them feel like lazy, fatty pants or making them insecure about themselves? Talk about difficult, especially when I knew the impact my mother had on me with even the slightest of a comment (even if the intentions are good). Every once in awhile, we would see fit people and I would point them out and say "I want that to be us someday." I'd comment about how I want his heart healthy so we can live a long life together but that seemed to have no impact on him. I even started pointing out guys with incredibly sexy, muscular arms. For me, seeing pictures of gorgeously fit women gives me motivation to kick it up a notch, so I thought the same would be true of him. None of which had the desired effect on him.

About a week or two after the cauliflower pizza, we went to his favorite restaurant, On the Border, with another couple we know from his work. The two of them are pretty fit and active people and our entire conversation that evening easily fell into workout routines, upcoming races, etc. His friend, Rod, has bulked up in the last few months and it's beginning to show and so I kept prodding him about how he got to look this good and he was impressed with the mileage I was doing and wanted all of us to sign up for a run together later this summer. I think it was pretty obvious that Neal had nothing to contribute to the conversation and eventually, he began to reminisce with the group about how fit he was when he was deployed in Iraq and released some of his insecurities about how he looks now. And there, right in front of me, I saw his "x-factor" click. Somehow the conversation reminded him of how great he looked and felt before and how much he has lost since then (strength and bulk-wise). I'm sure hearing all of us so entranced with the topic for hours also helped.

The next thing I know, Neal is telling me he's going to the gym with me. I finally led him to water and he took a drink! We both found a cardio activity he likes, bike riding, so we purchased a pair and now we go out a few times a week on them. And on my weight-lifting days, he shows up too! It's almost been a year of me going at it solo and he is just now climbing on board. I think the combination of my cooking right and him being around gym goers did it for him. Like I said, the people you chill with truly do make an impact on your perceptions and in this case, it was for the better. The next thing I know, we are seeing a lot more of this couple (whom I adore) and we are all excited to do active activities together-not just going out to eat and seeing movies, etc. They are not sedentary couple and, thanks to Neal finally finding his X-factor, neither are we!

Today, that's how I feel

Moral of the story: don't EVER give up on helping the people you care about and love find their "x-factor". It's partially why I write this blog every week. I believe being healthy is no longer an option with all the risks and consequences of not being healthy. I have the desire to give encouragement to people who are thinking of making the change, have just started, or have been doing it all along. So don't be surprised if I come knocking, texting, calling or emailing you guys about what you've been up to and whether it is active or not because the heart of the matter is that I want us all to feel our best, be proud of ourselves and our accomplishments, and I want to keep the people I care about in my life as long as possible!

Love w/ all my bum,
CH

 

When Did This Journey REALLY Begin??

As many of you know, I started this healthy lifestyle in June of last year (2011), but we all know that you don't just wake up one day and say "I'm going to live healthier from now on and take my fatty pants to the gym for some sweat time." Today, as we lead into Mother's Day weekend, I am going to share with you the personal and embarrassing story of where it TRULY began...


A majority of women get engaged and decide that their wedding is the 'X factor' motivation to shed pounds (classic yo-yo pitfall). Sure, a bunch of pictures of you will be adorning your home for the rest of your life; therefore, you wanna look amazing and look back on that day without regrets of 'man, I shoulda lost a few more.' For me, that 'X factor' didn't really come at that point. Of course, I was a tad bit over weight but not to the point anyone would really say (behind closed doors) I could stand to lose a few. Naturally, I was obsessing about it but was under the impression that if I wasn't going to do anything about, then I shouldn't complain. 

This was the first time my future husband said those lines to me after I griped about the way a dress didn't fit the way it used to...ouch! but he was right and I kept my feelings about being a bit overweight to myself because I was taking no action to reverse it.  By the time I was a few months out from the wedding, it was a bit too late to start a regimen. A friend and I talked about it and we both decided on my behalf to not fret it...the point was, I was going to look beautiful regardless that day and Neal loves me regardless of my weight. I had to love the skin I was in-even if only temporarily. I got over that hurdle and must admit, I still love everything about my photos and that day without a tinge of regret for not losing 15 more pounds for the wedding. We honeymooned in Fiji and although I was a lil shy (read, embarrassed) at being in a swimsuit with other vacationers, my new husband was (as he should've been) enthralled with everything I said, did, moved, etc. So the sea time did my body image some good. Almost too good...


Fast forward a few months into newlywed bliss and I had put on some serious pounds. All that eating in and staring into each others eyes was great for the marriage, horrific for the waistline. I believe subconsciously, my husband had begun to pull back (he'll deny it to this day, that gentleman). I wasn't feeling attractive and sexy, so I know he couldn't have been feeling I was either. Even having that feeling, and being crushed by it, did not provide me the 'x factor.'


FORTY pounds added within 7 months of my marriage, I was feeling internally depressed about my body and had lost an enormous amount of self esteem (mind you, I was already 30 lbs heavier than I was supposed to be prior to the wedding). I became a couch potato. I watched movies religiously. I ate Top Ramen for snacks in between meals. I cannot even say food was a comfort for me because it wasn't. I was simply depressed and bored. There was nothing productive about my day, every day, and so making food and eating it served as something 'I did' like it was an accomplishment. I didn't feel sorry for myself at this time either, nor did I want pity. To an extent, my husband resigned to the position that I'll come around when I get sick of myself but let's face it, my eating habits were akin to his horrible eating habits and so we were BOTH hermit crabs with Taco Bell stained faces. 


And then we arrive at Mother's Day, 2011. A nice Hallmark holiday to do something with your family and show appreciation to the one who birthed you. 


Setting: Silver Diner (my mother has Celiac Disease and they just came out with a new gluten-free menu) with my parents, 2 younger siblings, husband, and step-dad's parents. Brunch-time.


I did not know that my step-grandmother was going to be present so I left Neal with the parents and skipped over (in my car, obviously) to Home Depot to buy a potted plant for her. I'm feeling pretty good in a new summer dress that is magenta and purple, is flowy and empress waisted so you don't really see all my rolls and big black sunglasses that hide the majority of my face of which I claim to wear due to my undeniable diva status (ha! NOT).


Hubs orders an appetizer for the table, I get chicken noodle soup, and we both order bison burgers on a pretzel roll. My mother, being none the quiet one (even when she thinks she is) sends me looks with words as I order "Really, all that?!" (she's been known to do this from time to time).


We eat, chat away, exchange presents and that's that for the grand event. But for me, it was just the beginning of a wonderful (read, shitty) day. On the ride home, we discuss the brunch and the conversations we had with everyone at the table. We make jokes about the mannerisms of my family and contrast them with his family. It's a little game we always do after family outings. Today, Neal was not interested and barely played our made up game. I could sense something was wrong but before I can ask he let's me know he is wholly infuriated at my mother. Thinking it's just an in-law thing (everyone at some point gripes about their in-laws), I asked if she made another inappropriate reference about our sex life? Nope. I ask if she badgered him with the million dollar question about what he's going to do when he gets out of the military? Nope. And.Then.He.Spoke.


"While you were out getting the plant for your grandmother, your mom saddles up next to me and asks "Do you think Carissa would start going to the gym with me if I asked? She's put on A LOT of weight, don't cha think? She needs to do something about how fats she gotten. Are you going to talk to her about it or should I?"


I IMMEDIATELY burst into uncontrollable tears. I mean, who wants their mother telling their husband that they think you are fat?! Who wants their mother to gossip about you to the one person who should NEVER gossip about you? And why was this the necessary time to talk about some sort of off the cuff intervention? And of course, I know the conversation was edited as my husband attempted to lessen the blow-so I naturally go to the scenario in my head and watch it pan out. To say it cut deep is an understatement. I felt betrayed by the mother code, women code, and essentially every code out there that rules against talking to someone's confidant about them. And it was more Earth shattering to hear it out of the mouth of MY husband. Generally speaking, most women do not talk about their weight with their husband-my mother told me to never do such things because then they will look at you differently. Now, I am more of an open book person, so my husband has a pulse about how I feel about myself, etc. maybe not to the full extent but he has at least a smidge of where I stand with my body in its current (at that time) status. But here is the person that told me not to talk to my husband about my personal struggle with weight turning around and talking about it behind my back to the one person she told me not to discuss my weight with! 


Seeing me upset made Neal even more upset. He felt like he had to tell me but also didn't quite know how to handle the situation. He justifiably felt my mother crossed a line into our personal lives that was unnecessary. He was also angry because he knew how I would take the news of her hurtful bombardment.  


Back when I lost a lot of weight before Neal came back from a deployment (2008), I was living at home. I say this now because I had the epiphany at Neal's confession that my mother had thought she played the largest role in my weight-loss, yet at that time, the gym was my salvation to get out of the house (mind you, I had lived on my own for 3 years, was back at home, and I needed independence every day and used the gym as an outlet). Sure, she provided dinner, but I made the portion choices, I divvied out my plate with more veg than carbs, etc. and I worked out solo. That was ALL me. But I also discerned that one of the few times my mother had ever said she was proud of me, was when I lost all that weight in 2008. Never mind being the only one in my family to graduate with a degree, never mind that I had graduated with 2 Bachelor's in 3 years and that I was getting my Masters, or that I was an all-star athlete w/ accolades out the wazoo. I had lost weight and looked good and therefore, she was proud. 


For me, this admission by Neal and the epiphany about the entire situation became my "X factor." I am a competitor by nature and hearing this story clicked in my head that I need to do this and I need to do this alone. I grasped that I had done it before and I CAN do it again. But this time, it would be permanent. I needed time to process the hurt of what my mother had said that day and fully process the fact that a month prior she asked me if I was hiding a pregnancy from her (i.e. I was getting fat and she wanted a reason as to why). And although she was extremely messed up for confiding in my husband and not me, there were truths to her backward ways. Yes, I had put on A LOT of weight, but NO I did not need her to get back on track. Nor did I need her to monitor my progress or talk to me about it and serve as a mentor. From someone who has been a notorious yo-yo'er, I knew her solutions would not be my solutions.

I took that month of May to really think about my weight, my family, my friends, etc. I thought about how I wanted to go about this journey, how I would measure success. Learn what was acceptable and realistic to me and what wasn't. I had to process that if my own mother was willing to talk about my weight behind my back, then Lord knows she was not the only one. About 2 months into my journey, a friend confirmed this very truth I was suspicious of when she told me her and her husband had thought during that month of May that I might be pregnant because of how big I had gotten since my wedding (ouch, that hurt and was probably one of the most embarrassing conversations I've had about my weight-I mean what do you say in response?!). And I've told you about my work environment, so it's a no-brainer that those discussions about me were taking place. Can you imagine this harsh reality? To be depressed already about how you look and guilting yourself only to discover that the people you care about were hurting you behind your back. All these people in various personal and not-so-personal circles were talking about MY weight, MY appearance and yet NO ONE said anything to MY face. Such IS the life of a fat girl. You know everyone has that opinion, but no one has the decency to say anything. 


Then again, the people who care the most (and likely the ones who talked about it the most when not around you) will be the first to support your new goals. Even if they didn't say anything to your face, they were on board with you before you even made the decision for yourself. It sounds kinda messed up, but looking back on it, I choose to spin it and believe that my friends and family (minus my mother) believed I could do it all along and were waiting to become my cheerleaders and offer unsolicited advice, tips, and most importantly, LOVE. Of course, I wish that someone had sat me down and 'woke me up' but there is no guarantee that that conversation would have provided me with the 'X factor' motivation to get off my fat bum and make a change-still, it would've been nice for someone to call me out before I became medically obese. 


As I look to Mother's day this week, I mark a bittersweet anniversary: 
a) The realization that I was an obese person,
b) Finding my 'X factor' to compete for my health on my own, and
c) The true beginning of this journey to a healthy lifestyle.

And being the picture taker my mother is, she did snap a few shots of me that day in all my humongous glory. Check them out:

I have no pictures after Xmas 2010 because I was getting larger and thus, avoiding cameras, so these are my 'largest' shots

And for full disclosure of the entire tale, I also later discovered when I looked for these pictures on my mothers computer to share with you today, that she had secretly taken pictures of my FAT ankles and legs under the table when I wasn't looking. I'm telling you, I was sickened to see that she had done this and immediately deleted them for fear I might snap at her and break her camera for good.  

After my avoidance in the honeymoon sea, the tears shed by the realization that I truly was obese, I had decided to make it all better by sweating it out. And that's where Isak Dinesen's quote plays such a true chord in my life and this journey. I cried to release my pain and hurt, I vacationed my mind to avoid the truth for awhile, and finally decided to cure it all with sweat! 

So there is the real beginning of my journey, marked at almost a year ago today, when I found my 'x factor' slash motivation to change permanently. I think back to that frame of mind I was in before and I do not recognize that person. I do still recognize the pain and have allowed myself to again process it today in this post, but I can harness it into a better energy now by keeping my 'x factor' alive and kickin' bum! So there ya go.   

Question to the class: Have you found your 'X factor' and if so, what was it? Please share in the comment section! If you haven't found your 'X factor' are you in the mind-frame I was in for awhile, where you know you need to change but it just hasn't clicked? Share your insights, please! We only get stronger as we face our fears and tackle them!

Love w/ all my bum (you special supporters, you!),

CH

P.S. So the question must be begged about the status of the relationship with my mother now: to this day, I do not talk to my mother about my weight-loss. I do not share my journey even though she asks about it CONSTANTLY because now it's obvious my body is changing and I am visibly slimming down. My competitive side warrants her no credit, even if her betrayal helped sparked the fire in my bum. Weight-loss might be a shared goal of ours, but its best for my health to not go into it with her. One day, I will share with her those feelings, but it will be long from now, when the "I told ya so's" and the "well, it obviously worked b/c you started working out" feelings no longer exist. 

P.P.S. I know this post paints my mother in a horrible picture. My mother is not a horrible person, she is loving and caring and would do anything for her children...even if she hurts, I know her intentions are not seeded w/ the intent to cause pain regardless of her motive. In this topic, it just sadly happens to be the case. 

Lament or Live On?!

"Good grief," said Charlie Brown.

                      "If it is a good morning," said Eeyore gloomily. "Which I doubt," he said.

When anything not so great happens to you, man oh man is it not THE EASIEST thing to feel sorry for yourself, become a bump on a log and melt into a couch like a child with the flu?! 


Back story: I ran a short 3 . 5 miler on Monday and during the last half mile I felt a pain in my foot. It wasn't like I tripped or rolled my ankle so I figured it was my foot cramping up and kept running. I got home, rubbed all over it and felt nothing. When I applied pressure, however, it was still achy and tense on the outside of my foot. "Shoot!" I thought, "Better stay off of it for a couple days." The next day came and went and it hurt continuously when I applied pressure but when I touched it, no sensitivity came anywhere. So random. 


I had a doctor's appointment this morning (just to be sure everything is ok) and would you know that it's likely, but not confirmed, a stress fracture. The x-rays could not see it and I have to go back next week to see if there is calcification near the bone (this would indicate a healing process). 


Ok-so here's my initial thoughts and reactions after the doc gave me goodies and sent me packing:


1. Ugly, unattractive, orthopedic shoe = sexiest shoe ever to wear in public (NOT)!
2. Ace wrap to go along with it and make my toes look like colorful sausages saying hello
3. No training for a week...WAIT. Hold the effin phone here! You mean, I cannot run 10 miles this weekend along the shores of Ocean City? Are you kidding me?!
4. Am I really THAT fat that the weight on my foot caused a break?
5. Tears ensue
6. I rush home feeling sorry for myself and immediately put on snuggly pjs to 'feel better'


I personally believe that we all enjoy Charlie Brown and Eeyore because we ALL have moments where we just need to be negative, feel sorry for ourselves, and be a poop. I had my moment and it's been coming and going in stages for the better half of the morning. My friend, Anna, called and after awhile of talking, I told her my story. Do you ever get the feeling that you are overreacting when you tell someone a story and as soon as it leaves your lips you feel stupid?! Yep, that's me. 


Anna reminded me of an article I read last week. I'll give you her gist and then relay the article's. She said that although I use races as milestones for progress, I did not set out on this journey to become a runner (even if I ended up turning into one in this process). My journey is dedicated to changing permanently to a healthy lifestyle and I am doing that. I can still do that, even with a stress fracture. She relayed that she knew I wasn't going to give that part up (she knows me too well) and said I'd find a way to bike or swim to keep in shape w/o having to put pressure on my foot. 


The article, found on ZoomaRun.com, was about reflecting on the journey that led one to the night before a race. Naturally, it's difficult to fall asleep that night and jitters are part of the deal. But this article reminds you to think of how far you've come to even have the ability and endurance to run the race. There were times I ran in rain, the dark, heat, freezing temps, upset stomach, traffic, etc. There were times that I backed out of Friday night plans in anticipation and preparation for a longer Saturday run. And as I scan the article again for that extra boost of confidence, I come across my favorite passage:


"Remember that the race is simply a victory lap. Even though you’re primed for great things on race day, there’s always a chance something will go wrong. If it does, remember that you’ve already won."


This speaks volumes to me. It does so because I imagine the majority of people, including non-racers, see the race as the big day. I was guilty of it too, that is, until I read this article. However, an Olympian not only gets credit for earning a medal, but to even gain the status of Olympian is just as important as the gold. I'm not shooting for winning the 1/2 marathon, we know that, but I do already know that I could do it if, for some reason, my foot does not allow me to run it June 2nd. My mental strength is at an all-time high and that is a feat in and of itself. 


Although my little self doubt monster wants to be a grump all day, my hard work and determination throughout this entire journey deserves more respect than letting this blimp on the radar be anything more than just a hiccup. 



There are times when being negative is just too easy. If it's too easy, I think you need to change your perspective. Some people are finding out they have cancer today, or lost a loved one, or cannot get pregnant. Those days are the days to be Eeyore and Charlie Brown. 


You have to give it to Eeyore and Charlie Brown. I mean, Eeyore lives in a stick tent that doesn't protect him from any weather conditions and always falls apart. Plus, he's always losing a part of his body! Yet, he's happy that anyone simply acknowledges his existence from time to time and keeps re-building his home. And Charlie Brown, bless him, NEVER gives up. Put that challenging football in front of him and he's going to try to kick it. Even though 75% of the time they are characterized classically as ho-hum and depressing personalities, I admire both of these fictional character's determination and perseverance. 

With some fresh perspective, a decent article and an understanding support system, it's easy to see that today is far better than other's EVEN with the hiccup. Anna & the article were right and I'll be headed to the gym this afternoon for some crazy spinning! 


That said, I welcome ALL prayers or positive energy or good juju (whatever you believe) for a speedy recovery so I can kick this 13 point freakin' 1 miles BUTT in June! 

Love w/ ALL my bum,

CH

Oh and p.s. I lost 4 lbs this week. Take THAT fatty pants!